❓ PetLoot.xyz FAQ (Parody Pet Tech Edition)

🤖 Q: Is the Bark-to-Text Translator compatible with birds?

A: Technically, yes. But it only translates barks, so your bird will need to enroll in our Canine Vocalization Immersion Course (CVIC).

🧼 Q: My dog turned invisible after using the Quantum Fur Conditioner. Is this normal?

A: Only on Wednesdays. To reverse the effect, rub your dog with static-charged dryer sheets under a full moon.

🛠 Q: What tools do I need to install the Worm Harness V2?

A: One screwdriver, a Dremel, a modest understanding of quantum mechanics, and a signed permission slip from your local reptilian overlord.

🌐 Q: Do you ship internationally? Even to the Bermuda Triangle?

A: We don’t ship per se. We teleport via the BarkNet. But yes, even unstable dimensions are supported — at your own risk.

💡 Q: Does your Lick-Activated Light Bulb save energy?

A: Yes. It turns off whenever your pet loses interest, which usually takes 6.4 seconds. Very green.

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Wait! Don’t Leave Your Pet Unenhanced!

Before you go, we saved your cart — and your dignity. 📦 Want us to email or text you a 100% totally real discount code so your pet can enjoy the Lick-Activated Laser Dome at a slightly more questionable price? Drop your email or phone below and we’ll beam the offer directly through our BarkNet™ network (or via plain old internet, we’re still working out the bugs).