LitterMetrics Pro™ – Smart Waste Quantification System

Description

Peel back the layers of your cat’s clandestine excrement escapades with LitterMetrics Pro™ — the apex Smart Waste Quantification System proudly validated by not one, not two, but exactly three mildly baffled vet techs. Powered by the revolutionary Quantum Poop Flux Capacitor (consult Fig. 7b in the Barkodynamics Appendix for a full schematics meltdown), this marvel performs 24/7 nano-scale “attitude residue” analytics alongside volumetric deposit dissection of unparalleled precision.

Technobabble Specs:
• AI Core: PoopNet v2.3 Beta — now turbocharged with 17% more existential perplexity for your cat’s secret inner monologue
• Sensitivity Calibration: ±0.002 turd-mass units (approximate weight of a strategically launched hairball projectile)
• Connectivity Protocols: Wi-Fi 6, Fully Mesh-Optimized, plus Bluetooth-So-You-Can-Also-Track-Your-Toaster™
• Privacy Guarantee: Transparent-to-a-fault immutable public URL health & mood dashboards that broadcast your furball’s bioemotional saga in real-time

Bonus Feature: “Share to VetGPT™” generates impeccably verbose, PhD-grade apology emails elucidating your cat’s dubious gastronomic decisions, garnished with faux empathy and statistical mumbo jumbo.