Premium Cat Earplugs (For Screaming Owners)

Description

Behold the Premium Cat Earplugs™: your personal sonic black hole engineered to annihilate 73.4% ± 0.002% of the “Who’s a good boy?” frequency band — a notorious ultrasonic plague scientifically cataloged in the acclaimed Howlmetry Journal, Vol. Chaos.

Forged with our proprietary Dual-Mode Meowwave Dampener™ and Quantum Silicone Mewtrusion Technology™ (pending interdimensional patent approval across three documented feline universes), these earplugs engage the Felino-Acoustic Rejection Principle™ — see Fig. 7b in the Barkodynamics Appendix, Volume III — to induce mild ocular micro-oscillations proven to lull cats into Zen-level serenity while simultaneously generating baffled human expressions.

Encased in Lick-Resistant Surface Coating, Gen 4.0™ (fur-friendly, saliva-antibiotic, and Maine Coon certified), the plugs create a localized micro-sonic event horizon, collapsing auditory chaos into a harmless quantum void of silence.

Usage: Deploy at peak human idiocy instances: off-key jam sessions, unsolicited affection crescendoes, and vocal fuzzery flare-ups. Users note a 92% reduction in unauthorized paw-petting incursions and a marked increase in personal tranquility metrics.*

*FDA-endorsed (Feline & Dog Auditorial agency — definitely not the Food & Drug Administration). Warning: Efficacy may diminish during rogue husky sonic booms or toddler frequency spikes exceeding design tolerances. Use with a healthy dose of skeptical Zen.