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SlobberBlocker Spray Shield
$19.99
Keep the slobber on the dog—not your face.
Description
Meet the SlobberBlocker Spray Shield™ 3000X: your last bastion against the great canine moisture invasion. Engineered with patented Dual-Mode Meowwave Dampener™ technology (see Fig. 7b in the Barkodynamics Appendix for full fluid droplet vector oscillations), this citrus-infused nano-mist unleashes a Quantum Slobber Displacement Field™—a minuscule repulsive aura that reroutes slobber trajectories with a statistically dubious 87.3% effectiveness.*
Featuring Lick-Resistant Surface Coating, Gen 4, the Spray Shield deploys a dryness-certified emotional boundary aura, scientifically modulated to sync with Fido’s affection oscillograms and recalibrate your mutual space-time continuum. Non-toxic, vet-inspected, and clinically proven to cause mild existential bewilderment in both species, it’s pet-personal space tech worthy of a Nobel Prize (pending).
*Efficacy subject to variation depending on canine caprice levels and user commitment to the cause.
1 review for SlobberBlocker Spray Shield
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Dr. Zephyrwan T. Quixote –
I purchased the SlobberBlocker Spray Shield™ 3000X for my hyper-emotional Corgi, Sir Wagglesworth, and the results have been nothing short of interdimensional. Within minutes of activation, Sir Wagglesworth ceased his slobbering offenses, instead emitting a faint phosphorescent glow and entering what I can only describe as a canine-induced trance state. The Dual-Mode Meowwave Dampener™ did more than repel moisture—it recalibrated his affection oscillograms, aligning his slobber vectors with cosmic harmony. Unbeknownst to me, the quantum slobber displacement field also opened a slight rift in our apartment’s space-time continuum. I observed a curious event: Sir Wagglesworth briefly communicated telepathically through quantum barks, instructing me to ‘chase the third moon clockwise.’ Additionally, local bird populations have grown 27% friendlier, which I attribute to the emotional boundary aura. I am convinced this spray shield is not just a product but a spiritual catalyst for four-legged enlightenment. Also, my furniture remains dry. Nobel Prize, please.