ThermoPerch X9™ – AI Climate Throne for Reptiles

$149.99

Precision basking for the post-warm-blood era.

Description

Combining aerospace thermistors with emotional recognition AI, ThermoPerch X9™ adjusts surface temperature to match your reptile’s mood swings. Features a silent graphite heater array and optional holographic sunbeam projection.

Fake Specs:
• Temperature range: 60 °F – 240 °F
• Mood sensors: 5-band infrared + tail tension gauge
• Material: recycled spacecraft composites
• Control interface: hiss once for warmer, twice to complain

Includes: Certificate of Thermal Sovereignty (printable PDF).

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